okay. so I wrote something and then one accidental key stroke later caused the entire text to be deleted. >/ I'll have to return to this post a bit later.

After acknowledging the truth, which was I could not consign my bike, I planned on returning to pick up my bike and take her home. Originally I thought I would return earlier on a weekday when the temperature would be lower than the high 90's and the roads congested with fewer cars. Upon arriving home, I decided I would pick up my bike that day instead of waiting and planning. The bf and I drove to HD and as soon as I heard my bike, my heart skipped a beat. My bike her distinctive rumble. <3 You might recall it had been awhile...hmm... 1+ years since I last rode my bike. I re-familiarized myself with the clutch angle and my bike's response, etc. The bf followed me to a nearby larger parking lot so I could really play since the ride home would be in traffic. After a good warm up I felt pretty comfy. The old saying, "it's like riding bike" held true. So, epic?

After waiting at many a long long street light in 97+, and who knows the heat index on my bike (in my gear), I finally escaped traffic onto a lightly traveled road. On the main road home, after all the time in the heat, my bike...died. She just shut down. Was the engine overheated? no... Did I have plenty of gas? yes... How about my...battery? damn... So, I pushed my bike uphill, in light traffic, for about a bit less than 1/4 of a mile, under the gawd awful sun. I had to stop to drink water, and tear off my gear, cough from my asthma, and try not to drop to the ground from heat exhaustion. The bf was following in the car keeping cars away from me. No one pulled over to help push my bike from behind...even the "bikers" with bikes in their pick-up truck. Finally, red as a beet, I arrived at a gas station.

The battery... So, it was almost 6:00 pm and the HD was closed. After trying to jump my bike, to some incredibly short-lived success, we decided I needed to find a new battery. Luckily there were several auto stores nearby. right? Well, the terminals on my HD battery were in the opposite orientation to the bike batteries sold in all of the nearby auto stores. What to do? It was getting late... We, thanks to the bf, pulled the old battery, wrapped the "wrong" battery in plastic (garbage bags), installed said battery upside down, surrounded it with plastic since it wouldn't fit in the battery "casing", and finally...used 3 bungie cords to strap the plastic bag wrapped upside down battery to my bike.

The ride... 3 miles... just 3 miles to go. The epic battery hack worked. Without glasses I rode off into the night with the bf driving behind. I felt one tug from my bike 1/2 way home. Two lights to go and I needed to stop at a light. I needed to stop... except that my back brake no longer worked. mannn... Not to worry, I had another brake -my front brake. So, I limped my bike home with the battery hanging out, plastic and bungie cords flailing in the wind. It turns out that the "tug" I felt was the loss of my rear brake that was caused by a plastic bag that became trapped between the brake pad and disk. 6.5 hours later and we finally arrived home. And, here's the legendary battery hack.

Just in case anyone is actually reading this blog. BOYYY... a lot has changed since my last post one year prior. I'm in much better head space, am happy, am friends with the ex, and have an awesome boyfriend (more like super significant). I almost almost almost consigned my bike with HD this past weekend. Almost. Obviously, I never sold my bike. I was depressed just thinking about it. Last year I moved to an area that was very unsafe to ride. I've never witnessed so many accidents and driver errors in such a short period of time. But, I recently moved again to an area that has back road access to more isolated highways.

This past weekend, I thought I would consign my bike. I drove to the HD, talked to staff and although they would make money on my bike, they told me to go home and think about it because I didn't look like I really wanted to sell it. They were spot on. The next morning I was moody and depressed thinking I was going to sell my bike. I drove back to the HD, no past the HD, and into a parking lot and sat there... unwilling or unable to move my car. I finally made my way to the HD, went to look at my bike stored in a "special place" in their garage. Another employee came over and we talked. I finally said, "I can't do it..." voice shaky... tears almost welling up in my eyes. "I know. And, you shouldn't." I came back later that afternoon in 97 degree heat to take her home. Her new home.

The story of her ride home is in one word, *EPIC.* That story needs its own post.

So, I've been horribly depressed. I feel like I felt when I lost my father. like shit... not all of the time... but you know how intense grief can be and how it can wash over you in waves? yeah. So, it's almost 1 year since the ex came home from his road trip and discussed divorce with me. It's weird. The grief is over what was lost or the dream of what was supposed to be, not the fact that I miss him or want to be with him. because i don't. I also have plenty of suitors, but I'm not interested right now.

ANYWAY. I never put my bike on the market. It's always in my head. I stare at pictures of it. My old riding buddy called me the other day. She told me she didn't have anyone to ride with anymore. get yer bike... let's go on a road trip she said... It's what I need she said. I know. I feel the loss of my bike. It's like a spiritual wound and I know what the remedy is. Now, it's push come to shove and I have to make a decision. As long as I have riding partners as long as I have a place to keep my bike, I don't really have a reason NOT to ride (except for the whole spine thing). But, mannn... like I've always thought... the old cliche...

"life is NOT a dress rehearsal"

I need to put up or shut up.

Wow, I still haven't made a decision. I feel *so* stuck. I don't think I can afford my bike (well, I can...but I'd be giving up my savings deposits) and the whole back thing (back filled w/ titanium) solo thing (no one to help me out if I'm injured) keeps me chasing my tail. If I sell my bike I will feel like super crap. If I ride my bike I'm going to be paranoid and little more broke than usual (hmmm furlough super sux). I think if I had girlfriends that rode, I'd feel a little more confident about riding solo w/ a fisked up spine. I mean damn...my blog is titled, "My bike and I, a love affair" for a reason. It's like another divorce... fck...


just damn it... I hate this... \|

Hi everyone,

So, I haven't posted in a long time. This stems from my from separation and divorce from my x. We're still friends... Anyway, I haven't ridden my bike in about 6 months...well except for the other day. I visited my puppies and thought I'd grab my riding books and gear. Then I thought I'd visit my bike too. :) There she was... looking sad and lonely. I thought to myself that she needed some love so I sat on her and picked her up. hmmm... I thought... maybe I'll just warm up the engine (the x has been running her engine weekly). Then, I thought that I'd just put her into gear and roll her through the warehouse...hmm....out of the warehouse...down the street...up and down the street...out on a ride...

:) Of course, I had already turned in my bike license and uninsured the bike. but...I rode my bike anyway...

Now I have a decision to make... because I love my bike and I love riding... *obviously* I haven't tried to sell my bike and I'm making payments on her. What to do? My pro thoughts are that 1) I *LOVE* to ride, 2) I *LOVE* to ride, and 3) I *LOVE* to ride. My con thoughts are that, 1) I don't have anyone to help me if I should get into a wreck (well, with my spinal implants I'd probably die anyway) and 2) I hate it that I don't have control over every aspect of my riding (i.e., cars).

What say you guys? Are you still out there? I could use your opinions now.

thanks!!!!

LOL...
So, my good friend from grad school who works in ecological modeling sent me a link so I could receive my "broken heart for science" badge. It's earned when, "the recipient’s passion for science has led to their significant other leaving."

Here tis:

It's official...this time of the year has been converted into the month of sucky events. My dad died an awful death a couple of years ago in December. And, now I will be signing my divorce papers in December. And I will likely be packing up my stuff, moving out, leaving my home, my dogs, my motorcycle behind... As my current life was planned around two people building a life together...i have things that aren't really mine...or can't afford to have any longer...or cannot take care of by myself...and memories that apparently were false...

It's alright, it's over. You can leave. Turn the blade.

I've been plugged in, literally, just going to work, coming home, and working on my various boxen (computers), droid phone, etc. I'm starting a web site to journal all my various projects. That in and of itself is a project... Time is moving somewhat slowly as I wait for the soon to be ex to move out. something both strange and beautiful...

Of course I need music to accompany this life event. A good friend suggested Pandora... The beauty of pandora (http://www.pandora.com/) is that it learns from your music preferences and suggests new bands. Most excellent! While not every suggestion works..of course...a number do. My favorite new band of the moment is Woven (http://www.wovenmusic.com/wovenmusic.html) a blend of hmmmm ambient, techno, rock, and a touch of gothic. Their music is a much appreciated soundtrack as I process and walk a new path.

Ah yes.... What happens when you are too geeky for your spouse. When you and your spouses puzzle pieces just do not fit no matter how hard you try... When you are told that you work too much, that you'd rather spend your time playing with computers...When you are just too different... It's called divorce. It's what my soon to be ex-husband told me Friday night when he returned from his 3 week motorcycle trip where he re-discovered himself. Now, to be fair...I've known that we were very different people in some ways and that it was a struggle to make "us" work. Both of us had to change to make the other happy. This resulted in me not spending time hacking away at my hardware and software, not being intellectually stimulated (except via work...which apparently I spend too much time doing...ahhhh science you fn bitch), and floundering around trying to find activities that I thought were pleasing to my soon to be ex-husband. Additionally, I had been pondering severing our ties anyway (I too was in a state of contemplation while he was away). Wow... so, while the outcome...me being free to be true to myself is awesome....being a single woman again is intimidating (where is *my* mate?) and being in a large shell of a home decorated with the remnants of a previous marriage is uncomfortable. I guess it's a good thing I started attending hacker meetings and re-establishing old network connections. These are my people...unique...sucked into technology...refusing to be owned by technology (wanting to be the owner as it were)...quirky... I love geeks. I love being a geek. So, I guess it's time to actually find a mate from my own tribe. At least I won't have to pretend to be somebody else anymore.