ugh... So, I just got off the phone with the on-call pulmonologist (it's almost midnight). I stopped taking my asthma meds yesterday morning for my breathing challenge test tomorrow (see last post). I've been alright during the day, but at night I can't breathe at all. Last night I woke up probably 4-5 times having what I was just told were breathing attacks (asthma attack). I thought that maybe I had sleep apnea (don't know why I thought that), but my meds shouldn't have anything to do with that...so it makes sense that they are night time asthma attacks. Tonight...different story... I can't sleep at all because I keep having asthma attacks. I've never had so many in one stretch of time. It's fucking terrifying. In fact, during my last one (before I woke up) I dreamt that someone jumped in my convertible (which I don't have) and shot me in the chest. I always have vivid dreams that get right to the point. Anyway... I said fuck it and used my emergency inhaler and then called the on-call doc. I asked him, "what should I do? just stay awake all night?" I was told to do whatever it takes to not use my meds anymore as I could have a false negative on my test tomorrow (I just made it in the the allowable window of time for my emergency inhaler). And, let me tell you... waking up gasping for air to breathe repeatedly sucks ass. I'd rather stay up all night having much milder asthma symptoms than lay down to try and sleep. It's like I'm waiting for someone to attack me while I'm sleeping over and over and over again. not fun... been there done that...

Anyway... you might wonder why asthma symptoms are worse at night. Well, apparently... it's a lot worse cuz your body slows down your breathing anyway and in asthmatics your body tells you to really slow down your breathing. Then, some chemicals aren't sent out to keep the breathing pathways open...hence more shutting down and wham... you stop breathing. fun! I've had night time asthma attacks so bad that I've shot straight up in my bed and sucked in air as if I had been held down under water until I was about to die and then released at the last second. I guess that's kind of what's happening but the body then goes..."oh fuck...you'd better wake up and breathe."

This super fuckn sucks. Asthma sucks ass. This test better really show what's going on in my lungs and better not show a false negative or I'm going to be super pissed (like it matters).

damn...I'm so tired... maybe I'll try and sleep again...I did use my emergency inhaler after all...it helps..usually (sometimes not though)...

Soo... I went to a pulmonologist today. Finally, after 1 year of suffering from retarded asthma and at least 4 bouts of bronchitis, my primary doctor sent me to a lung doc. I've been seeing an "asthma/allergist" doc, but I learned today that I was on the "typical" asthma regime and why hadn't I had these tests, and I should be taking these other meds. huh??? So, at least for now...I'm taking the max dose of advair every 12 hours, some other asthma inhaler 3-4 times per day, my rescue inhaler in case I'm in danger of cacking (that's death to you and I), singulair at night, veramyst, and nasasomething or other. Oh yeah, throw in a benedryl at night. You get the pic...I'm medicated up. poor lungs... I couldn't even get through my usual pulmonary function test with out hacking my lungs out forever. meh... My favorite though?? I'm going to stop taking everything this weekend and then go in for a 3-4 hour lung "stress" test. yeah... So, asthma without asthma meds... AND, they're going to spray some shit into my lungs to irritate them to get me to start having asthma symptoms and maybe even an attack. All this to actually measure the response of my lungs to irritants. tits! I can't wait! I'm so sure I'll blog about this test next week. sweet!

ANYWAY... My riding has been curtailed. I'm still riding probably 2-3 times per week, which is not my usual 6-7 days/week. It could be that my asthma is not so good right now so I don't have the energy nor the will for longer rides. It could be that my ass almost got smeared off this planet not too long ago. I dunno... But, I'm loving my rides and it's kind of nice not having such a bad fever over my bike. I can relax...which is nice too. ehhh... maybe it's just a pendulum...

I had my whole day planned today. I would work from home as the man is out-of-town and I'm puppy sitting (I hate locking them up all day when I'm at work). There were a few errands that needed to be completed today, so I thought it would be perfect to take my bike out and check off my list (60s today) and would also count as a work break. I fed the neighbor's dog (he's off with the hubby), went to the office picked up a check for deposit, and talked to our office manager. He thought it would be a good idea to give me some documents to drop off in Fayetteville. I thought, why not? it will just lengthen my ride. No problems there... Then I rode off to a sub shop for lunch. I got a lot of stares, which I'm used to by now. But, let me tell you... many times when a bunch of people are watching me, I forget my kickstand. When I forget my kickstand my bike cuts off, which I like (& a feature I'm adding to my next bike). This is totally annoying... but apparently, while I've started my bike countless times now, under watchful eyes... it happens (well, not at the dealership). Everything else is fine. weird... Anyway, I left the sub shop and headed over to the asthma clinic to start my shots today. Well, wouldn't you know it??? I started having an asthma attack right there in the clinic (bunch of coughing). The nurses looked at each other and me, and asked if I had used my inhaler yet. Nope... it's all new to me still... I only use my inhaler when I feel like I can't breathe very well. They told me that I couldn't have my shots today. Come back when my asthma is under control. sighh... So, I used my stupid inhaler...which has speed in it (essentially). I got back on my bike and rode through the "speed" feeling. That's the nice thing about riding...the monkey brain is too focused on the task at hand to be distracted by things like inhaler medication. fn asthma... this is really starting to piss me off... I don't know what precipitated the attack. My guess is that I inhaled a bunch of particulates from the trucks in front of me on the way to the clinic.

Now, I'm so distracted... that I'm having a glass of wine and bitching on my blog. I hope a little later on I'll regain work focus and well, work.

I forgot to include this story in my last post.

There I was in the lady's room at the H-D taking deep breaths, sucking it down, holding it in, exhaling it out, and finally coughing some afterwards. There was someone in one of the stalls who had stopped doing her business and wasn't coming out. I'm pretty sure she had some interesting images going through her mind. Of course, I was toking on my inhaler as I couldn't stop coughing because my lungs were irritated. this was entertaining... :)

It's waaayyy too cold to ride around here. I don't even want to ride. I just look at my bike and occasionally sit on her...awww poor thing... It's supposed to warm up to the 50s tomorrow and Friday. As long as it's not too windy I'm riding. Man the wind chill has been just bone chilling lately. Today on my way home from work I actually passed someone on their bike. It was a large Euro style bike. Dude was probably wearing heated riding clothes. nice dude...I tip my hat...

Stupid asthma... I took my allergy test and they had to stop it almost as soon as it started. I'm severely allergic to dogs, cats, some local pollen, and ....drum roll...mold. I wouldn't normally have a bad reaction (I grew up w/ cats) but, I've been exposed to a lot lately. Apparently, my immune system is all up in arms causing my respiratory system lots of grief. I have to start immunotherapy (allergy shots) twice a week here in a bit. My lung function super sucks. My latest test revealed only a minor improvement, which means my lungs really do super suck. The doctor even sent me an email informing me of such only an hour or so after I left the asthma clinic. I guess I'm starting to worry about my super sucky lungs and my hyper sensitive immune system. The doc wrote me a note for work so I don't have to work in the mold infested building during my immunotherapy treatment. I have more asthma/allergy meds to take. After my latest brilliant idea of walking up a flight of stairs to test the ole air bags...and swiftly having to deal with the consequences...I decided to not test the waters anymore until my lung function improves. I sure don't want to die from a bad asthma attack. that would just piss me off...